Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
