i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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