you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
