So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
