I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Randomize
