I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
