Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
