is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
