Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Just high enough for therapy.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize