I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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