I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
