maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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