I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
wow bdsm is so cute
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
