U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
