I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
my mouth tastes like poor choices
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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