you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
