I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
