my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
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