I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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