She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
