There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
