im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Randomize
