We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
