Don't you send me to vm
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
