Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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