I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize