I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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