well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
