im drinking this country out of the recession.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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