3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
