i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
