it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
