I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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