dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
