I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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