Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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