This is not my ceiling
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Randomize
