you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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