Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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