I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
