she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
