I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You made out with two different species that night
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
