So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize