I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
