So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
