So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
