so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
