i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
