remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
