U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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