How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
