A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
