I just cut my nipple shaving
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
