the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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