dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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