I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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