She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
my liver is dry heaving
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
