That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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