he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
