based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
