i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize