Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
