Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
