If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
