I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
