smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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