I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I need water and some morals
Randomize
