If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
