The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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