Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
