I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize