Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
