The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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