So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
