i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize