u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
