he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
