toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
