This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Randomize
