make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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