I just cut my nipple shaving
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
