As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
