Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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